by: Author Unknown,
Unfortunately my story goes back for as long as I can remember. I can't say I had a happy childhood, even back when I was six, I can remember feeling depressed and anxious. My parents had split up around that time and it wasn't the most amicable break up. A lot of the time I felt that I was just another piece of furniture that they were bargaining over. I suppose, as well, that when you are young, you can begin to blame yourself for your parent's troubles and turn all your grief inwards.
It didn't take long for the kids at school to pick up on my troubles. As a result of my home life, I wasn't exactly the most energetic and outgoing kid at school. This was exacerbated by constant teasing (by both students AND teachers!) and being left out for being 'different'. I was pretty well moulded by the end of primary school and this continued throughout my entire school life. I thought school was meant to be fun. On some days I would get so anxious that I would be teased all day that I would just burst into tears before I even got there. All this led to a snowballing effect of anxiety, depression and low self-esteem. I had no spirit or self-respect left whatsoever.
I only ever had one or two close friends at a time. I was terrified of approaching girls and I found it very hard to trust people. I was so withdrawn into myself that I had trouble socialising, until I found alcohol. I was a machine on the grog: confident, strong and funny. People started to take notice of me and soon parties weren't so difficult. Things were a lot easier now. Marijuana and harder drugs followed; anything so I didn't have to feel the way I did. These were my crutches for years.
Eventually, everything came crashing down; years of emotional turmoil finally taking its toll. I was diagnosed with severe depression and social anxiety. It was one of the worst (now I think one of the best) days of my life. Fortunately, after seeing a few psychologists, I was referred to Sue and she has shown me the tools to keep my life on track and to try and control the way I think.
Some time has passed and I feel a lot better, but I have a long way to go. It's not easy, but if I keep at it, I know my life can be as fulfilling as I want it to be.
It didn't take long for the kids at school to pick up on my troubles. As a result of my home life, I wasn't exactly the most energetic and outgoing kid at school. This was exacerbated by constant teasing (by both students AND teachers!) and being left out for being 'different'. I was pretty well moulded by the end of primary school and this continued throughout my entire school life. I thought school was meant to be fun. On some days I would get so anxious that I would be teased all day that I would just burst into tears before I even got there. All this led to a snowballing effect of anxiety, depression and low self-esteem. I had no spirit or self-respect left whatsoever.
I only ever had one or two close friends at a time. I was terrified of approaching girls and I found it very hard to trust people. I was so withdrawn into myself that I had trouble socialising, until I found alcohol. I was a machine on the grog: confident, strong and funny. People started to take notice of me and soon parties weren't so difficult. Things were a lot easier now. Marijuana and harder drugs followed; anything so I didn't have to feel the way I did. These were my crutches for years.
Eventually, everything came crashing down; years of emotional turmoil finally taking its toll. I was diagnosed with severe depression and social anxiety. It was one of the worst (now I think one of the best) days of my life. Fortunately, after seeing a few psychologists, I was referred to Sue and she has shown me the tools to keep my life on track and to try and control the way I think.
Some time has passed and I feel a lot better, but I have a long way to go. It's not easy, but if I keep at it, I know my life can be as fulfilling as I want it to be.
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