Dear Red States

by: Author Unknown,

We're ticked off at the way you've treated California, and we've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we're taking the other Blue States with us."In case you aren't aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all of the Northeast. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country of New California.

To sum up briefly:You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states.We get stem cell research and the best beaches.We get Elliot Spitzer.You get Ken Lay.We get the Statue of Liberty. You get OpryLand.We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.

We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama.We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states pay their fair share for a change.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms.

In fact your aggregate divorce rate is higher than gay couples.

Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home.We do wish you success in Iraq, and hope that the WMDs turn up.

But we're not willing to spend our resources in Bush's personal Quagmire.With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners) 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools, plus Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92 percent of all U.S.. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

In deciding your future domestic and foreign policy, you should know that 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent actually believe that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy bastards believe you are people with higher morals then we lefties.Sincerely,Author Unknown in New California.

Immigration

by: Author Unknown,

Every person has an opinion about immigration. For the most part, an individual’s belief is deeply embedded; they feel very strongly on the matter. Some argue that immigration is at the core of America’s past. Some argue that immigrants are infiltrating America, sucking it dry. These viewpoints will be explored in the following pages.
Josh Moenning states, “…We are undeniably a nation of immigrants. Many of us are the descendants of those tired, poor and huddled masses that came here to find the life they couldn’t live in their native homeland…” (1) We shouldn’t deny people entrance into a country that supports freedom on so many levels. It seems like the greatest reason Americans want to deny access to America is to protect what is “theirs”, specifically “their” job security. The fear is that immigrants will come into America and take all of the job openings. Mark Krikorian has called these jobs that they are taking, “…jobs American’s won’t do…” (1) Insecurity lies within many people and it keeps the majority of the population apprehensive about immigration. Nobody wants to share what he or she has worked so hard for.
Legal immigrants can bring a positive boost to the economy. With the income they earn from the employment
. . . They will have the privilege to seek education and get involved in the government. Immigrants will work for minimum wage. They also are not keeping up on expired visas and adequate background checks are not in place to ensure that we are letting in people that will enhance our society. taking immigration standards seriously. By legalizing illegal America is creating allowing injustice. They should reflect though upon what happened on September 12TH…the nation joined together as one under God and mourned our loss together. We cannot be on lockdown because we fear a terrorist strike. Many people want to shut down our borders because they fear what happened on September 11TH. In America, these people have the opportunity to accomplish things that would be otherwise unattainable.
Before the terrorist attacks of September 11TH an Amnesty Act was underway by President Bush. They fall under certain classifications that have quotas to ensure that immigrants are coming to America for the right reasons. “…many persons seek asylum in the U. American officials are not policing our borders, yet amnesty has been discussed as a way to remedy this immigration concern.

Social Security

by: Author Unknown,

Social Security is not a problem right now; in fact, it runs a large surplus every year. However,
Americans are living longer, and drawing more Social Security payments than they ever put in. Early in the next century, we will be paying out more than we take in, and Social Security will have to dip into its surplus, which is currently used by the federal government for other spending. When the last of the baby boomers retire, the payroll tax would have to almost double to maintain benefits. This creates an undue burden on Generation X-ers, and solutions need to be found to prevent this from happening.
* Citizens should be given a choice on whether or not they wish to invest their own Social Security funds in a high-yield bank account, or the stock market.
Right now, the average American has withdrawn all he has put into Social Security within 7 years of retirement. This forces the everyday worker to support those currently on Social Security with his payments.
. . . What means-testing refers to is that if someone did not need Social Security,
they would not be eligible to get it. The last, and most risky option, is to invest the funds in the stock market. 40% of retired persons depend on Social Security as their only means of income. So on the average, most people never would live to collect their Social Security. This should take effect by the fifth fiscal year after its passage in Congress. 1%, the federal government would save $1 trillion over 12 years. Today, the average American can expect to live to the age of 76. However, every American is not going to invest in the stock market, and those who do are not going to buy the massive quantities of stock that the federal government would. By setting the retirement age at 76, we are giving our average senior citizen 6 years to enjoy his retirement, while policy makers of the past gave him -5 years. If someone feels that they are unable to invest wisely in the stock market, there are other options available.

Thoughts About the Governmental Process

by: Author Unknown,

"The tribal wisdom of the Dakota Indians, passed on from generation to generation, says that, "When you discover that you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount."However, in government (and corporate America) more advanced strategies are often employed such as:

1) Buying a stronger whip

2) Changing riders

3) Appointing a committee to study the horse

4) Arranging to visit other countries to see how other cultures ride horses

5) Lowering the standards so that dead horses can be included

6) Reclassifying the dead horse as living-impaired

7) Hiring outside contractors to ride the dead horse

8) Harnessing several dead horses together to increase speed

9) Providing additional funding and/or training to increase dead horse's performance

10) Doing a productivity study to see if lighter riders would improve the dead horse's performance

11) Declaring that, as the dead horse does not have to be fed, it's less costly, carries less overhead, and therefore contributes substantially more to the bottom line of the economy than live horses

12) Rewriting the expected performance requirements for all horsesand my personal favorite

13) Promoting the dead horse to a supervisory position."