by: Author Unknown,
A psychologist suggested I write "my story" for personal closure to something that has controlled my life for so long without me even knowing about it.
So here goes!
Anxiety disorder, it's the reminder that some of us are scared!
Scared of what?
Exactly! Sometimes you don't even know what scares you, other times it rules your life and you can think of nothing else.
Looking back on the early years of my childhood and evaluating my personality and attitude towards life, I realize that I was always shy, timid and scared. I also had a morbid fear of vomiting, both in others and myself. I would do anything and I mean anything to avoid this fearful situation.
As a child these characteristics are often considered as individual traits; parents learn to adjust and accept the fact that their child is frightened and needs their additional love, support and encouragement.
Accomplishing life's achievements was always a huge deal for me. I aimed to achieve every goal I set for myself. I generally had confidence in my ability to do so. However, if I failed, it would be a major disaster and I would have to live with failure. The fear I experienced grew and grew until eventually my body said ENOUGH!
Hello panic attacks!!!!
I was 15 years old, and I began getting dizzy episodes. They would last a few minutes but afterwards I would feel tired, scared and sick. They were awful. Through that year they became more and more frequent until eventually I couldn't handle it anymore.
My mother, who has been my constant support throughout my life, decided we needed a professional opinion regarding my recurring symptoms.
After visiting my local doctor, we discovered I had hypertension (high blood pressure) and tachy cardia (fast heart rate). Both of these medical problems can be accompanied with dizziness. Therefore, feeling confident, we left understanding that my symptoms were more than likely associated with my medical illness. Despite commencing medication, the symptoms persisted.
A few months passed and surprisingly not much had improved. We went back to the doctor, who decided we needed to see a specialist. After weeks of testing nothing was found that could be the possible reason behind my symptoms.
I knew deep inside that something was wrong; something was making me feel like this, yet I didn't understand what. I became increasingly frustrated.
The episodes began to increase in severity; not only would I be dizzy but I would tremble and be sweaty and a rush of nausea would overcome me. Afterwards I would feel physically and mentally exhausted. I would spend the rest of the day nestled up in bed praying for the day to end so I wouldn't feel sick.
As life continued, I lived in fear of these attacks. I was always thinking "When will the next one occur?'' "When is it going to get me?" My mind was constantly working overtime. I never had the patience to accept life and rest.
At 19 years old life began to go on without me. A teenager should be out having fun, trying new and exciting things and experiencing all life has to offer. However I wasn't doing any of these things. I didn't drive my car, I didn't go to nightclubs, I didn't go to university and most importantly, I didn't do anything on my own.
Fear had taken over my life.
I was depressed. I was mad with the fact that this was happening to me! What did I do to deserve this?
Little did I know that acceptance of my situation was the key to recovery.
However, I struggled on. The physical symptoms were always evident, but now I was experiencing 'thoughts'; thoughts of hurting myself, just so I wouldn't need to suffer. In my opinion I wasn't living life anyway, so what did it matter?
Suicidal thoughts scared me! I would cry uncontrollably just by thinking them. It was selfish and I understood that, but no one understood me!
I never acted upon these thoughts, thank goodness. I guess it was just a sign that life had hit rock bottom.
The emotional support I received at this difficult time from everyone around me showed the impact I had on their lives. If I had taken my life, would I have felt better?
I think not. I feared that their lives would be worse and I didn't want to feel the pain and guilt of what I had created.
I needed professional help!
This led me to the safe and educating arms of my psychologist Joanne Garfi.
My mother, being a midwife at the local hospital, had heard of a lovely female psychologist and decided that it was time we sought her assistance.
I was never scared or frightened of seeing a psychologist because I knew I needed help. I couldn't do it on my own.
Fighting yourself is the toughest challenge to win!
Luckily enough I was able to see Joanne straight away. I recall walking out of that first session, looking at my mother (who had waited patiently for me) and smiling!
I finally knew what was wrong with me!!!!
I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I was suffering severe panic attacks and depression. My treatment was fast and extremely effective. I began weekly sessions concentrating on learning cognitive behavioural therapy. This was incredible, as by following the techniques to the word, my panic attacks virtually ceased overnight. I also began taking anti depressant medication daily.
Now that the physical symptoms were under control I could begin to understand my mind. Until this point it was to hard to imagine or focus on dealing with what was going on in my head, because I felt so sick.
I realized that I was feeding my fear with fear. The more I scared myself the more the dragon in my mind would grow. I had to understand that I had created this little world for myself and I had no one else to blame. There was no point dwelling on this fact; I had to move on and kick that dragon out. I wanted my life back; I no longer wanted to share it with this creature in my head.
Nearly nine months down the track since I was first diagnosed, I am a completely different person. I'm still on medication but hope to be easing off that shortly and I still visit Joanne as often as I require.
I am now a happy 20 year old with my life ahead of me. Every now and then, that creature tries to come back, but I have the tools to fight it and think positive. I never want to be that sick little girl again.
I drive my car, I go out clubbing when I'm not at work, I've finished my TAFE degree and I'm saving for a working holiday for 12 months to the UK.
All these achievements assure me that I've accomplished a lot and that I will continue to improve as every day goes by.
Ever since being diagnosed I have made a conscious effort to understand Anxiety disorder. There is very little awareness! At one point in my life I thought I was the only one who suffered; now I know there are hundreds of people just like me.
So here goes!
Anxiety disorder, it's the reminder that some of us are scared!
Scared of what?
Exactly! Sometimes you don't even know what scares you, other times it rules your life and you can think of nothing else.
Looking back on the early years of my childhood and evaluating my personality and attitude towards life, I realize that I was always shy, timid and scared. I also had a morbid fear of vomiting, both in others and myself. I would do anything and I mean anything to avoid this fearful situation.
As a child these characteristics are often considered as individual traits; parents learn to adjust and accept the fact that their child is frightened and needs their additional love, support and encouragement.
Accomplishing life's achievements was always a huge deal for me. I aimed to achieve every goal I set for myself. I generally had confidence in my ability to do so. However, if I failed, it would be a major disaster and I would have to live with failure. The fear I experienced grew and grew until eventually my body said ENOUGH!
Hello panic attacks!!!!
I was 15 years old, and I began getting dizzy episodes. They would last a few minutes but afterwards I would feel tired, scared and sick. They were awful. Through that year they became more and more frequent until eventually I couldn't handle it anymore.
My mother, who has been my constant support throughout my life, decided we needed a professional opinion regarding my recurring symptoms.
After visiting my local doctor, we discovered I had hypertension (high blood pressure) and tachy cardia (fast heart rate). Both of these medical problems can be accompanied with dizziness. Therefore, feeling confident, we left understanding that my symptoms were more than likely associated with my medical illness. Despite commencing medication, the symptoms persisted.
A few months passed and surprisingly not much had improved. We went back to the doctor, who decided we needed to see a specialist. After weeks of testing nothing was found that could be the possible reason behind my symptoms.
I knew deep inside that something was wrong; something was making me feel like this, yet I didn't understand what. I became increasingly frustrated.
The episodes began to increase in severity; not only would I be dizzy but I would tremble and be sweaty and a rush of nausea would overcome me. Afterwards I would feel physically and mentally exhausted. I would spend the rest of the day nestled up in bed praying for the day to end so I wouldn't feel sick.
As life continued, I lived in fear of these attacks. I was always thinking "When will the next one occur?'' "When is it going to get me?" My mind was constantly working overtime. I never had the patience to accept life and rest.
At 19 years old life began to go on without me. A teenager should be out having fun, trying new and exciting things and experiencing all life has to offer. However I wasn't doing any of these things. I didn't drive my car, I didn't go to nightclubs, I didn't go to university and most importantly, I didn't do anything on my own.
Fear had taken over my life.
I was depressed. I was mad with the fact that this was happening to me! What did I do to deserve this?
Little did I know that acceptance of my situation was the key to recovery.
However, I struggled on. The physical symptoms were always evident, but now I was experiencing 'thoughts'; thoughts of hurting myself, just so I wouldn't need to suffer. In my opinion I wasn't living life anyway, so what did it matter?
Suicidal thoughts scared me! I would cry uncontrollably just by thinking them. It was selfish and I understood that, but no one understood me!
I never acted upon these thoughts, thank goodness. I guess it was just a sign that life had hit rock bottom.
The emotional support I received at this difficult time from everyone around me showed the impact I had on their lives. If I had taken my life, would I have felt better?
I think not. I feared that their lives would be worse and I didn't want to feel the pain and guilt of what I had created.
I needed professional help!
This led me to the safe and educating arms of my psychologist Joanne Garfi.
My mother, being a midwife at the local hospital, had heard of a lovely female psychologist and decided that it was time we sought her assistance.
I was never scared or frightened of seeing a psychologist because I knew I needed help. I couldn't do it on my own.
Fighting yourself is the toughest challenge to win!
Luckily enough I was able to see Joanne straight away. I recall walking out of that first session, looking at my mother (who had waited patiently for me) and smiling!
I finally knew what was wrong with me!!!!
I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I was suffering severe panic attacks and depression. My treatment was fast and extremely effective. I began weekly sessions concentrating on learning cognitive behavioural therapy. This was incredible, as by following the techniques to the word, my panic attacks virtually ceased overnight. I also began taking anti depressant medication daily.
Now that the physical symptoms were under control I could begin to understand my mind. Until this point it was to hard to imagine or focus on dealing with what was going on in my head, because I felt so sick.
I realized that I was feeding my fear with fear. The more I scared myself the more the dragon in my mind would grow. I had to understand that I had created this little world for myself and I had no one else to blame. There was no point dwelling on this fact; I had to move on and kick that dragon out. I wanted my life back; I no longer wanted to share it with this creature in my head.
Nearly nine months down the track since I was first diagnosed, I am a completely different person. I'm still on medication but hope to be easing off that shortly and I still visit Joanne as often as I require.
I am now a happy 20 year old with my life ahead of me. Every now and then, that creature tries to come back, but I have the tools to fight it and think positive. I never want to be that sick little girl again.
I drive my car, I go out clubbing when I'm not at work, I've finished my TAFE degree and I'm saving for a working holiday for 12 months to the UK.
All these achievements assure me that I've accomplished a lot and that I will continue to improve as every day goes by.
Ever since being diagnosed I have made a conscious effort to understand Anxiety disorder. There is very little awareness! At one point in my life I thought I was the only one who suffered; now I know there are hundreds of people just like me.
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