I still cannot believe how much my life has changed in one year

by: Author Unknown,

I am 21 years old and have lived with Social Anxiety Disorder since the age of 9 or 10. I believe it was triggered by my father's death when I was 8 years old. My first memories of my anxiety are when I began to be afraid of staying over at my best friend's house. Throughout most of my high school years, I missed out on many social occasions with my friends due to my anxiety. I was terrified of going out to dinner, going on school camps and missed both my semi-formal and my formal. In grade 9 I thought I had "grown out of" anxiety because that year I went out a lot, including dinners, and that did not bother me, but my anxiety returned the following year. My transition into university was relatively smooth. I was very pleased with how I handled it. Until May 28th. In a philosophy tutorial, the tutor was talking about blood, which has always made me queasy. I got very dizzy and thought I was going to pass out but I did not tell anyone. The room was very small and crowded with students so there was no easy way out. Somehow I got through that hour. But afterwards, I went to the refectory for dinner, and I thought, "What if I pass out here? What if I throw up here?" And from that day, I started having those thoughts in increasing numbers of places and situations. Suddenly I was terrified of performing in public (I am a musician), answering or asking questions in tutorials and lectures, going to the movies with friends, talking to the guy I had a big crush on, getting lifts in my friends' cars, catching the bus with friends, etc, etc, etc. All my decisions were based on the "what if" games I played with myself. I chose subjects at uni that did not require giving speeches. I limited my social activities because I had enough stress coping with the "necessary" things in life - things I had to do, like exams, that in my spare time I did not want to have to face anything else. My life became increasingly limited. I could feel my world shrinking around me, and I could see others doing the things I used to be able to do with ease. I could not understand why my friends would organise dinners and other social events. I could not understand why that did not terrify them. I was constantly walking on thin ice, always in a state of alert, ready for something terrible to happen to me. I was never relaxed; I was depressed, and had no social life. I could see what was happening to me but I did not know how to stop it. I knew I had dug myself into my own hole but did not know how to get out. I realised I was having panic attacks and that I was suffering from anxiety about 2 and a half years before I got professional help. I bought some self-help books, thinking I could cure myself, even though the books said self-help books alone are not usually enough. When I got to the point where I was uptight every moment of every day, even while in the "comfort" of my own home, I knew I could not continue life like this. I had thought about suicide but I knew that I wanted to live - I just didn't want to live like this. I was terrified of even eating by myself. I went to a psychologist a couple of times, but I did not feel comfortable with him. He referred me to a GP who was wonderful. She understood about social anxiety disorder and she lent me videos to watch. She prescribed Aropax, an anti-depressant that is also beneficial for anxiety. I did not notice an enormous change on medication alone. I was still having all the same negative thoughts, but the thoughts would have to be stronger for me to have the same level of physical reaction as before. Then I started seeing Sue Cleland for private therapy. The cognitive behaviour techniques are what made the difference. We wrote my thoughts down on paper, which enabled me to look at them objectively, and REALISTICALLY. We searched for alternative thoughts that may be just as realistic, or even more realistic (after some time with Sue I realised these alternative thoughts were much more realistic than my old patterns of thinking). This was the beginning of the turning point in my life. Step by step, I branched out and did things I had avoided previously. My biggest frustration before I got treatment was that I would often do the things I was terrified of, and I would get through them ok, but next time and the time after that it was not any easier. I could not understand why. But now I do. I was achieving these things, but told myself it was a fluke. I still thought "What about next time??? Just because I did it this time doesn't mean I will be able to next time." My life changed when I could answer my "what if" questions with a logical and realistic answer. What if I pass out on stage in the middle of a concert? I used to think, "everyone will laugh at me; they will think I am silly; I will be embarrassed for the rest of my life; I will never be able to perform again." Now I answer my what if question with "people will help me; they will be concerned about me; people are unlikely to laugh but if a few people do, that is their problem; I know I am not silly because I am a smart girl; if I pass out this time it doesn't mean I will every time I perform." With these new thoughts, my anticipatory anxiety diminished substantially. I went to some of my friends' 21st birthday parties - dinners included - I even had pavlova for dessert! And was fairly relaxed there and had a good time. I gave a 20 minute presentation on my thesis at university to a small number of people with great success. I performed in concerts that greatly reduced my anxiety levels and remembered what it feels like to actually enjoy the performing experience. I can catch buses and get lifts with friends. I can be walking through Indooroopilly Shopping Town, realising I am walking in the wrong direction, and just stop and turn around and walk the other way, without having to pretend I am looking at something in a shop first. My biggest achievement and my "present" for all the hard work I have done this year came when a guy I met on the Internet in January flew out to Australia from Holland to meet me. I even allowed him to stay at my house. We went out to dinners, movies, and concerts; I showed him around Brisbane and we did lots of sightseeing. We even went on a 3-night holiday to the Gold Coast, and a 5-night holiday at the Whitsundays - including a 15-hour bus trip, which I NEVER would have agreed to a year ago. This was the first time I had been away from my family for that length of time. I was so proud of what I achieved. My Dutch friend quickly became my boyfriend - the first one I had ever had - and now he is coming back to Australia just in time for my university graduation ceremony before Christmas and is staying in Australia for a whole year. I still cannot believe how much my life has changed in one year. All the things I achieved this year, I never thought I would. Now I have a new part time job - the first time I have been employed by someone other than myself. I am looking forward to next year - my first year out of uni. I see it as an adventure rather than a big scary thing that I won't be able to cope with. I thank Sue for guiding me in the right direction and teaching me skills that I can take with me through the rest of my life.

I know my life can be as fulfilling as I want it to be

by: Author Unknown,

Unfortunately my story goes back for as long as I can remember. I can't say I had a happy childhood, even back when I was six, I can remember feeling depressed and anxious. My parents had split up around that time and it wasn't the most amicable break up. A lot of the time I felt that I was just another piece of furniture that they were bargaining over. I suppose, as well, that when you are young, you can begin to blame yourself for your parent's troubles and turn all your grief inwards.
It didn't take long for the kids at school to pick up on my troubles. As a result of my home life, I wasn't exactly the most energetic and outgoing kid at school. This was exacerbated by constant teasing (by both students AND teachers!) and being left out for being 'different'. I was pretty well moulded by the end of primary school and this continued throughout my entire school life. I thought school was meant to be fun. On some days I would get so anxious that I would be teased all day that I would just burst into tears before I even got there. All this led to a snowballing effect of anxiety, depression and low self-esteem. I had no spirit or self-respect left whatsoever.
I only ever had one or two close friends at a time. I was terrified of approaching girls and I found it very hard to trust people. I was so withdrawn into myself that I had trouble socialising, until I found alcohol. I was a machine on the grog: confident, strong and funny. People started to take notice of me and soon parties weren't so difficult. Things were a lot easier now. Marijuana and harder drugs followed; anything so I didn't have to feel the way I did. These were my crutches for years.
Eventually, everything came crashing down; years of emotional turmoil finally taking its toll. I was diagnosed with severe depression and social anxiety. It was one of the worst (now I think one of the best) days of my life. Fortunately, after seeing a few psychologists, I was referred to Sue and she has shown me the tools to keep my life on track and to try and control the way I think.
Some time has passed and I feel a lot better, but I have a long way to go. It's not easy, but if I keep at it, I know my life can be as fulfilling as I want it to be.

Anxiety disorder, it's the reminder that some of us are scared!

by: Author Unknown,

A psychologist suggested I write "my story" for personal closure to something that has controlled my life for so long without me even knowing about it.
So here goes!
Anxiety disorder, it's the reminder that some of us are scared!
Scared of what?
Exactly! Sometimes you don't even know what scares you, other times it rules your life and you can think of nothing else.
Looking back on the early years of my childhood and evaluating my personality and attitude towards life, I realize that I was always shy, timid and scared. I also had a morbid fear of vomiting, both in others and myself. I would do anything and I mean anything to avoid this fearful situation.
As a child these characteristics are often considered as individual traits; parents learn to adjust and accept the fact that their child is frightened and needs their additional love, support and encouragement.
Accomplishing life's achievements was always a huge deal for me. I aimed to achieve every goal I set for myself. I generally had confidence in my ability to do so. However, if I failed, it would be a major disaster and I would have to live with failure. The fear I experienced grew and grew until eventually my body said ENOUGH!
Hello panic attacks!!!!
I was 15 years old, and I began getting dizzy episodes. They would last a few minutes but afterwards I would feel tired, scared and sick. They were awful. Through that year they became more and more frequent until eventually I couldn't handle it anymore.
My mother, who has been my constant support throughout my life, decided we needed a professional opinion regarding my recurring symptoms.
After visiting my local doctor, we discovered I had hypertension (high blood pressure) and tachy cardia (fast heart rate). Both of these medical problems can be accompanied with dizziness. Therefore, feeling confident, we left understanding that my symptoms were more than likely associated with my medical illness. Despite commencing medication, the symptoms persisted.
A few months passed and surprisingly not much had improved. We went back to the doctor, who decided we needed to see a specialist. After weeks of testing nothing was found that could be the possible reason behind my symptoms.
I knew deep inside that something was wrong; something was making me feel like this, yet I didn't understand what. I became increasingly frustrated.
The episodes began to increase in severity; not only would I be dizzy but I would tremble and be sweaty and a rush of nausea would overcome me. Afterwards I would feel physically and mentally exhausted. I would spend the rest of the day nestled up in bed praying for the day to end so I wouldn't feel sick.
As life continued, I lived in fear of these attacks. I was always thinking "When will the next one occur?'' "When is it going to get me?" My mind was constantly working overtime. I never had the patience to accept life and rest.
At 19 years old life began to go on without me. A teenager should be out having fun, trying new and exciting things and experiencing all life has to offer. However I wasn't doing any of these things. I didn't drive my car, I didn't go to nightclubs, I didn't go to university and most importantly, I didn't do anything on my own.
Fear had taken over my life.
I was depressed. I was mad with the fact that this was happening to me! What did I do to deserve this?
Little did I know that acceptance of my situation was the key to recovery.
However, I struggled on. The physical symptoms were always evident, but now I was experiencing 'thoughts'; thoughts of hurting myself, just so I wouldn't need to suffer. In my opinion I wasn't living life anyway, so what did it matter?
Suicidal thoughts scared me! I would cry uncontrollably just by thinking them. It was selfish and I understood that, but no one understood me!
I never acted upon these thoughts, thank goodness. I guess it was just a sign that life had hit rock bottom.
The emotional support I received at this difficult time from everyone around me showed the impact I had on their lives. If I had taken my life, would I have felt better?
I think not. I feared that their lives would be worse and I didn't want to feel the pain and guilt of what I had created.
I needed professional help!
This led me to the safe and educating arms of my psychologist Joanne Garfi.
My mother, being a midwife at the local hospital, had heard of a lovely female psychologist and decided that it was time we sought her assistance.
I was never scared or frightened of seeing a psychologist because I knew I needed help. I couldn't do it on my own.
Fighting yourself is the toughest challenge to win!
Luckily enough I was able to see Joanne straight away. I recall walking out of that first session, looking at my mother (who had waited patiently for me) and smiling!
I finally knew what was wrong with me!!!!
I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I was suffering severe panic attacks and depression. My treatment was fast and extremely effective. I began weekly sessions concentrating on learning cognitive behavioural therapy. This was incredible, as by following the techniques to the word, my panic attacks virtually ceased overnight. I also began taking anti depressant medication daily.
Now that the physical symptoms were under control I could begin to understand my mind. Until this point it was to hard to imagine or focus on dealing with what was going on in my head, because I felt so sick.
I realized that I was feeding my fear with fear. The more I scared myself the more the dragon in my mind would grow. I had to understand that I had created this little world for myself and I had no one else to blame. There was no point dwelling on this fact; I had to move on and kick that dragon out. I wanted my life back; I no longer wanted to share it with this creature in my head.
Nearly nine months down the track since I was first diagnosed, I am a completely different person. I'm still on medication but hope to be easing off that shortly and I still visit Joanne as often as I require.
I am now a happy 20 year old with my life ahead of me. Every now and then, that creature tries to come back, but I have the tools to fight it and think positive. I never want to be that sick little girl again.
I drive my car, I go out clubbing when I'm not at work, I've finished my TAFE degree and I'm saving for a working holiday for 12 months to the UK.
All these achievements assure me that I've accomplished a lot and that I will continue to improve as every day goes by.
Ever since being diagnosed I have made a conscious effort to understand Anxiety disorder. There is very little awareness! At one point in my life I thought I was the only one who suffered; now I know there are hundreds of people just like me.

Overcoming Social Anxiety

by: Author Unknown,

As an apprentice Chef, I was slow to progress. I could cook.I could cook up a storm, but to make it with the pro Chefs you had to be able to cook, and cook fast. It was work speed that I lacked.
It wasn't until I was well into my second year that a new Head Chef came to the restaurant. Oscar, an experienced Chef from Switzerland, showed an interest in my future and took me under his wing. One shift, as we were in the middle of the diner service, Oscar identified something that kick-started my career. He could see I was being too cautious and deliberate in my work and thus, I was way too slow. As I tentatively reached into the oven to retrieve a tray of much anticipated goodies he spoke to me in a firm voice (understandable as we had 105 hungry customers waiting for their meals), "Hurry up son, what are you afraid of, it can only burn you". He gently pushed me aside and with all the confidence in the world, retrieved the tray and had most of it served by the time I had my oven cloth neatly folded and ready to grab the next tray.
I'm not sure I appreciated it at the time but that was a profound moment. From that day I progressed at a great rate, I was soon rostered on to the front kitchen on a permanent basis, as I had overcome an enormous hurdle. That hurdle was my fear; my unrealistic fear of being burnt. A fear that stemmed from my belief that being burnt, no matter how minor, was disastrous and should be avoided at all cost. The reality was that minor burns, those that heal quickly and rarely leave a scar, are an everyday part of working in a commercial kitchen. They happen, and the sun still rises. Obviously we don't throw caution to the wind, serious injury must be avoided, but we can still work effectively without the constraints of over-caution.
What Oscar had encouraged me to do was stop and think about my fear, to challenge my belief that avoiding burns, no matter how trivial, should be the foremost priority in my work. That belief was holding me back and Oscar freed me from it. As unimportant as it may have seemed at the time, it was an empowering lesson he had imparted.
I gained from a similar experience at Sue Cleland's Weekend Course " Overcoming Social Anxiety". The course was held in a user-friendly environment at the Hampton Community Centre. Sue encouraged us, a small group of 10 to 12, to challenge the beliefs that lay behind our fear, the fear that manifests itself as anxiety. I found the entire two days enormously beneficial. None of us was miraculously cured and Sue certainly doesn't claim to be a miracle healer, but each of us left with an armory of tools and techniques to help us tackle our Social Anxiety.
Sue lived with Social Anxiety for more than twenty years. Her knowledge, gained from experience of the condition is extremely valuable. Her calm disposition immediately created a non-threatening, welcoming atmosphere.
Sue led us through various aspects of our lives that should be considered when we take on our Social Anxiety. These included:
Physical: Relaxation, Breathing, Exercise, and Massage.
Internal: Nutrition and Complementary Therapies.
Cognitive: Thinking Patterns, Belief Patterns and Focusing Skills.
Inner Self: Self-Esteem.
Interpersonal Level: Assertiveness.
Behavioral: Exposure and Building Bridges.
Recovery Issues: Setbacks, Motivation, Support, Commitment, Risk Taking and Goals.
It's a very full program; Sue offers the same subject matter over a period of several weeks in her home state of Queensland. I urge anyone wanting to free themselves of this common but often debilitating condition (that will affect one in seven Australians), to take the opportunity to participate in Sue's courses whenever they become available.

Anxiety attacks ruled my life

by: Author Unknown,

In her late twenties, Tammy's life suddenly got extremely stressful. But what followed was worse: panic attacks that nearly destroyed her. Here's how she beat them.
"Three and a half years ago I was under an enormous amount of stress - my marriage was breaking down, and my targets as a salesperson for a large corporation seemed to be very unachievable. Since my parents had divorced when I was little, I know how traumatic it is for kids when their mum and dad separate. So when my marriage started to turn bad after only 12 months, I decided to cut my ties and leave my husband - before there were any children involved.
I've always been a perfectionist, very conscious of what people think of me, and a bit of a people pleaser. As a result, I had very high expectations of my marriage and my performance at work, and neither was going the way I'd planned. One Friday evening, after going out for a few drinks with friends from work, I went home and spent the whole night throwing up. I thought it was just something I'd eaten because I was shivering uncontrollably. I also had severe heart palpitations and pins and needles in my arms and legs, but I had no idea what was wrong with me - I hadn't had that much to drink.
The attacks happened regularly after that, and included weekly bouts of diarrhoea. Each of them lasted four hours or more, and went on until I was so sick and exhausted that I fell asleep. Once I asked my husband to take me to the hospital because I believed I was having a heart attack.
I went to see three different doctors and none of them knew what was wrong with me. They just prescribed sleeping and anti-nausea pills, and one doctor even suggested that I change jobs. After that I discovered a book called Living With It: A Survivor's Guide to Panic Attacks by Bev Aisbett (angusrobertson.com.au). I'd never heard of panic attacks before, but all the symptoms listed on the first page sounded so familiar. I knew that was my problem.
Because it's difficult to get one's appetite back after a major panic attack, I lost about five kilos during the three or four months after my first attack; I was looking thin and sickly as a result. The problem was exacerbated when I separated from my husband. I spiralled into a depression that would last for days at a time. Then I'd feel great for awhile and I'd think, 'Oh, I'm really doing well,' but then I'd have another attack and it would destroy my self-esteem again. I was having them a few times a week - I'd throw up all night and then have to go to work the next morning. I thought 'I'm never going to get out of this cycle,' and it became really quite debilitating. I even contemplated suicide a few times because I couldn't see a light at the end of the tunnel.
If I went out, or had people over for dinner, I'd have a panic attack. I'd literally spend half the night in the toilet throwing up while I was trying to cook! I developed a fear of social situations and tried to avoid restaurants and parties. If I did have to go to a restaurant, I'd sit close to the toilets in case I had an attack. I was becoming agoraphobic and never wanted to leave the house.
When my husband and I had been separated for nine months, I decided to buy the house we had shared and move back in there - which was very difficult for me emotionally. I also started to see a counsellor about the divorce, I felt like such a failure.
The attacks were getting the better of me and were starting to impact on my work. I couldn't even go in some mornings because I was so exhausted, and it got to the point where I passed out before a presentation, and someone else had to take over. I ended up leaving my job - it was giving me too much stress and I needed a break.
Meanwhile, I met a new guy who was incredibly supportive. During my lowest of lows he would make sure I ate, which was wonderful. He even offered to support me financially - but I knew I'd never work again if I agreed to that. And although some of the books I read said to eat well, rest and exercise, others were quite confronting; suggesting I might be having the attacks because they, 'work for me' in some way. I had to ask myself why? Was I getting more attention? Was it an excuse? I could see that, yes, I wanted to just give up; and yes, I just wanted someone to look after me. So, I decided to see a psychologist to try to understand why this was happening.
I realised that my high expectations, and a need to seek approval from everyone affected me. People who get panic attacks are often trying to please others. I needed to learn to take pressure off myself - to not spend the entire weekend cooking and cleaning because friends were coming over, but to realise people were coming to see me rather than check how clean my house was! I had to change my attitude and say, 'It's not that important.' It was very hard in the beginning, but I slowly started turning my reactions around.
I wanted to get better without drugs, so I tried yoga, Bowen therapy, relaxation techniques and massage. Understanding where it all came from mentally, plus all the natural therapies I used, helped to get the attacks down to a manageable level. Exercise, sleep, a good diet, and no alcohol or caffeine, also helped. Very slowly, I started to get a bit better, and the attacks occurred less and less frequently.
Eventually I applied for a new job and got it, but the first morning before work I was curled up on my floor bawling to my boyfriend, 'I can't go, I'm not going to turn up.' I really didn't want to let myself down, so I dragged myself in, even though my face and eyes were red from crying. For the first two months, I would have panic attacks every Sunday night. I was concerned because I felt the need to be perfect again, to know everything that my colleagues knew. So I went back to see my psychologist and he helped me to rationalise my thoughts.
I still get the attacks, but it's only once every few months, and it's because I start to fall into my old habits. I had one recently when I had to travel interstate for work - I was up all night vomiting. I had to be up at five in the morning and I knew I'd be exhausted, but although I thought it would be easier to ring and say I'm not coming, I realised that I would have had to go through the whole thing again the next day! So I just told myself, 'It doesn't matter if I'm tired the next day, I'll sleep on the plane. I can handle it now.'"

Healthy life

by: Author Unknown,

Social phobia is a largely misunderstood condition that affects one in 10 people. Here is one sufferer's terrifying story.
Prisoner Of My Own MindThe thought of speaking to others is a terrifying ordeal that sets 34-year-old Jennifer's heart and mind racing. She's one of many Australians who suffer from social phobia.
'At school I never put up my hand to answer questions because I didn't want to draw attention to myself, and I dreaded standing at the front of the class having to do show and tell. I'd forget what I wanted to say and I'd start to stutter.
I remember having to read a story aloud to the rest of my class when I was nine. I read very softly because I was so self-conscious, but the teacher told me to speak up. Then I spoke so much louder that she thought I was being smart and told me off, but I was just so nervous that I was completely unaware of my voice.
At uni I chose subjects that didn't involve oral presentations. I wanted to do media studies and journalism, but I didn't think I'd be articulate enough or that my ideas were worth expressing, so I missed out on a career I would have enjoyed doing.
I've always worried about getting things wrong, and then wondering what people will think of me. My family is quite reserved and never drew attention to themselves, so I grew up that way.
I hated parties and didn't go to clubs until I was 23. But I danced with my eyes closed because I didn't want to engage with anyone. Most of the time I enjoyed my own company, listened to music and had a couple of close friends.
After leaving uni I had my first child, Fiona. During pregnancy my biggest fear wasn't that I'd not be able to cope with a child, but how I'd cope organising the parties. I knew mums and kids would come to her parties and look at me to know what was happening, and of all things during pregnancy I dreaded that most.
I didn't have a first birthday party for Fiona, but when she turned two I invited her playgroup friends and their mums to our house. The morning of the party I was nervous and short of breath.
I had palpitations, and my face ached because I was so tense. I organised food and party games, but I couldn't enjoy the day because I was so nervous and scared.
A few years ago I finally went to see a psychologist who specialises in treating social phobia, who taught me to role play situations I find stressful. She helped me rehearse what to say in a situation, and taught me to challenge all my negative thoughts, things like: "Nobody is going to be interested in what I have to say."
Now I remind myself that just because I feel a certain way, doesn't mean that's the way things actually are.
Recently I arrived at a work function and discovered that I had to meet guests as they arrived. I felt hot and flushed, a bit sick in the stomach and I had a lump in my throat, but I gradually slowed down my breathing, relaxed my muscles and took the evening step by step, and I survived.
Now I have learnt how to meet new people, and I finally feel anticipation and excitement rather than dread and fear.'

Living with social anxiety

by: Author Unknown,

I was always a shy, quiet kid. In fact, I had to repeat my first year of kinder because I wouldn't talk to the other kids! I don't remember feeling awkward or anxious around others while I was younger. During puberty, there were so many changes going on in my body, my mind and my life and I became depressed and even more withdrawn than usual. I think that I developed social anxiety around this time. I didn't know there was such a thing as social anxiety until a couple of years ago, so I spent many of my teenage years in tears, confusion and anger. I felt like a freak, and believed I was destined to remain a miserable outcast for the rest of my life.
I hated going out because the mere thought of social situations made me extremely anxious and consequently, I stayed home a lot of the time, where I felt comfortable and safe. When I left the house, I felt as though people were looking at me and judging me negatively, which made me feel extremely self-conscious. I worried about what questions they would ask me and whether I would be able to answer without my voice shaking and my face turning red.
I rarely went to parties and other social events; I would have loved to but the thought of meeting new people scared me. When introducing myself to others, I could barely talk; it felt as though my throat was closing up. All I wanted to do was escape the situation, to be anywhere else but there. It got to the point where even going places most people don't think twice about going to - such as the supermarket or going outside to collect the mail - caused me to feel afraid and I avoided these situations as much as possible. I became focused on the belief that I'd remain single for the rest of my life because I couldn't go out.
I was so scared of being embarrassed or looking stupid that I felt insecure and out of place while in the company of others. I couldn't relax. My heart would race and I'd feel nausea's. I knew my anxiety was irrational and didn't make logical sense, but I couldn't shake the way I felt. I experienced frequent headaches, which were probably due to stress caused by feeling so anxious about, and isolated from, those around me.
My first year of uni was difficult. I moved out of home, from the country to Melbourne, and was living on campus at a student village. I will forever remember those six months as some of the worst of my life. I didn't socialise at all, staying in my room and more often than not, crying to my mother or best friend on the phone. At this stage I was still not aware of social anxiety, so I was extremely confused, lonely and angry.
I dreaded going to uni. I felt uncomfortable in classes; I was afraid the teacher would ask me to speak in front of the entire group. I knew I would hesitate, my face would turn red, I wouldn't know what to say, and everyone would witness my embarrassment and humiliation. I'd worry about giving class presentations for days and nights beforehand, analysing and over-exaggerating what might happen.
I felt insecure around groups of people. While they would be talking and socialising, I would barely say a word. I was afraid of speaking because I didn't want to be the centre of attention; I felt people would be judging me, thinking negative thoughts about me. As you can tell, my self-esteem was pretty low. I was able to talk to people one-on-one, but not in group situations. If I had something to contribute to a conversation, I would suppress my thoughts and keep quiet for fear of negative evaluation. Even now in group situations, I tend to be quiet and find it difficult to join in conversation; perhaps I have become so used to not saying anything in these circumstances in the past that it's second nature for me to say nothing.
Going out to eat was a major issue for me. I was afraid everyone was watching me, staring and judging. During the day at uni I would get hungry, but wouldn't eat anything for fear of people looking at me. I'd wait until I got home and felt sick from not having eaten when I should have.
I was far too concerned with others' perceptions of me. I tended to evaluate myself on how I thought others saw me and lost sight of the person I believed myself to be. I gave my irrational thoughts much more power than they deserved. I found it difficult to accept the fact that other people had opinions of their own; not everyone I met would like me. This was a difficult fact for me to face because I had a need to be viewed positively by everyone I came into contact with.
My anxiety about social situations was so strong that it was interfering with my ability to lead a normal life. It was on my mind every minute of the day. I'd wake up feeling anxious, which continued for most of the day, depending on whether I had to go out or not. I desperately wanted to be able to go out, relax, and enjoy myself in the company of others. I wanted to be able to wake up without a feeling of dread as to what the day would bring. Although I recognised my anxiety was excessive and unreasonable, I was at a loss as to how to control it.
Upon discovering that social anxiety existed, and figuring out I was suffering from the condition, I took steps to take back control of my life. I began seeing a psychiatrist who has helped me, through cognitive behavioural therapy, relaxation techniques and medication, to become a much happier, positive person who can approach the social world with greater ease. My anxiety is not gone forever, nor do I think it will ever be. I have, however, learned how to change my cognition's so that I can deal with my fears more realistically.
The cognitive behavioural therapy involved me doing 'tasks', deliberately putting myself in situations I would normally avoid like the plague. These tasks started off small, such as taking public transport and making eye contact with someone, saying hello and asking them how their day had been. This progressed into bigger tasks, such as going out to eat at a restaurant, alone. As I accomplished my goals, I felt much better; I was learning to overcome fears I had been carrying with me for years.
For those suffering anxiety, I know how painful it is to live a life of such intense fear that you just want it all to end. But anxiety doesn't have to rule your life. Two years ago I would never have imagined I could feel as good about myself and my life as I do now. Sure, I still experience anxiety, but the difference is, my anxiety no longer completely controls me: I have learned how to control it. Discovering I had a problem and seeking help has been the best thing that's ever happened to me and has changed my life.

My recovery from acute anxiety and agoraphobia

by: Author Unknown,

I have written this for anyone who has hit rock bottom and can't see the way to get back on top and to lead a life free from fear. I am allowing the story of my recovery from acute panic, anxiety, social phobia and agoraphobia to go public in the hope that it empowers others to take the necessary steps to recover and lead normal fulfilling lives - hopefully in a fraction of the time it took me. I regard myself as being a recovered person living a normal fulfilling life. I have recently returned from spending 6 months driving around the entire circuit of Australia on my own (I used to suffer from acute agoraphobia).
If you are presently suffering from any of these or other similar disorders, I encourage you to never give up. I can assure you from my own experience that you can become well again. Help is now available in many forms that weren't available when I had my first panic attack in 1978. I spent the best part of 20 years reading books and experimenting with countless forms of therapy, most of which didn't work.My own experience is that no one form of treatment will cure you on its own. Your recovery will result from a combination of therapies, lifestyle changes and belief system changes that are presented on this web site (www.socialanxiety.com.au). I encourage you to make a start on your recovery. It no longer has to be a long process like mine. It will be worth the effort. It's a wonderful, powerful feeling to feel freedom from fear. It's a wonderful victory over the past and it is available to you now.
Ben in 1978: I suffered from acute agoraphobia: I was terrified to leave the house. I wouldn't ride on planes, trains or any form of public transport. I was terrified of being caught in traffic jams, lifts, shopping centres, open spaces, crowds and especially hot, crowded rooms.
Social phobia: I had acute panic in business meetings, talking to people in positions of power or people I perceived to be better than me, and I always felt judged. Public speaking was unthinkable. Does some of this sound familiar?
Ben in 2003: I love travelling: I love long car trips, I absolutely love flying in aeroplanes, I love being in wide-open spaces, I love meeting new people, I regularly chat to strangers. I almost feel comfortable with public speaking. I have self respect and high self esteem. I have no fear of lifts (even if they stop), and traffic jams are an opportunity to listen to good music and relax. You too can have this freedom. How it all happened and how I made myself well.
When I think back to my earliest memories, I started life as a very sensitive little boy, happy and contented until my first day at school. I went from a safe happy home to a catholic school, which had an atmosphere of fear and violence. On my first day, a very old nun called Mother Francesca confronted me. This creature was completely draped in black, her face was highly wrinkled and she had intense, vicious brown eyes glaring at me through small round glasses. She had a very large class to teach. Prep and grade one was combined in a very large room. Mother Francesca kept discipline with a leather strap. There were certain children who she singled out as troublemakers and she would strap them relentlessly until they were crying for mercy. These were five-year-old children. Luckily, I was not singled out for special treatment, but I was terrified of becoming one. On my first day, after my mother had dropped me off at school, I tried to get out the door to run home and I can still remember Mother Francesca putting the key in the door and locking it. She also taught us in religious instruction class that if we committed a mortal sin, that we would be burned in the fires of hell for eternity. This was not a great start to a sensitive little boys' school life. Later on in my schooling, I had similar experiences when I went to the Christian Brothers who also thought that the best way to discipline little boys was to belt them into submission. My heart was regularly racing with fear. Basically my schooling was a disaster and I hated every minute of it. I couldn't get out of school fast enough and left school at the end of Year 10 to do a carpentry apprenticeship and later became a builder, a career that I was utterly unsuited for. This series of events was slowly building up a very high level of underlying anxiety of which I was quiet unaware.In July 1978, I came down with a very severe mystery illness. I collapsed in a restaurant and fell into my food. Two months later I fainted severely in the blood bank after giving blood and had to be taxied home. A week later I collapsed on the snow and had to be brought down on a stretcher. I then spent two months at home just waiting and hoping to get some strength back. (In later years, I discovered that the mystery illness was Hepatitis B (HBV). There was no test for HBV in 1978). I was tested many times for Glandular Fever but the result was always negative. All I knew was that I was desperately ill and the doctors didn't believe me. Almost to the day when I felt some physical strength come back, I experienced my first panic attack. It was like a wave of fear engulfing me. Total terror, I thought I was going mad. I later discovered that this disorder was very common on one side of my family. I was not alone. What frightened me even more was that I couldn't find anyone who had really recovered fully. I had thoughts of.. my god, will I still be like this in another 2 years.. 20 years???
I was now suffering acute agoraphobia. I was terrified of being away from home and collapsing again. I also knew that if I left the house, that I would be stricken with fear. It became fear of the fear.I went to my GP and was advised to go on a holiday (not great advice for an agoraphobic). I was prescribed Valium and Tryptanol (an antidepressant). I found the side effects of the Tryptanol made the panic worse. I was also terrified of what the Valium would do, so I only took very small doses.A close relative, who also had agoraphobia, advised me that I had to just get out in the world and tough it out before it became a habit. I now know that this was not very good advice, but it was well intended and that was the only way that this person survived. That was the advice I took and acted on. It is not something I would ever recommend to anyone else. I also learned meditation through the late Dr Ainslie Meares (a well known Melbourne psychiatrist). This meditation was very helpful and calming and I still practice it daily, but it was a long way from being a cure on its own.The main actions that helped me to recovery were:
Exposure - although I wouldn't recommend the sledgehammer approach of confronting fears cold turkey that I took.
Learning to meditate - the calmness from meditation permeates into all of your day to day activities. It is very comforting, reassuring and grounding.
Learning progressive muscle relaxation - this is often taught with meditation, you learn to feel your muscular tension and can learn to release it.
Understanding the fight or flight response and that I was not having a heart attack or going mad.
Becoming physically fit - I took up long distance running.
Learning that relying on alcohol doesn't work in the long term - it makes the panic considerably worse the next day.
Nutrition - having a good nutritious diet and also learning what are the most suitable foods for me (I found that low fat, "brown rice and lentils" type diets made me more anxious than ever).
Learning to breathe slowly and from the diaphragm.
Listening to my body - Eg. if I am overtired, I rest and if necessary, cancel meetings.
Learning not to put myself under excessive time and deadline pressure.
Changing my belief system and learning to increase my self esteem - mainly through reading self help books and acting on the advice.
Learning to trust my intuition and myself and not be ruled by the thoughts and opinions of others.
Medication: I used Xanax to cover up the symptoms for many years but the anxiety simply returned if I didn't use it. In 1994 I saw a psychiatrist who specialised in anxiety disorders. He told me that he was having excellent results with a new antidepressant called Prozac and asked me to give it a go. I protested that I wasn't depressed but that I would give it a go anyway. In the first 6 weeks my symptoms worsened (I have since discovered that antidepressants should be introduced to anxiety patients very gradually) but when it eventually kicked in, the change in my general feeling of wellbeing was dramatic. I was able to do many activities with a feeling of calm that would have previously caused anxiety.The side effects of Prozac annoyed me (mainly sweating excessively) so after 3 years, I slowly came off it. Coming off Prozac did not cause any increase in symptoms. Over an extended period of time being symptom free and automatically doing things that used to cause anxiety; my mind had literally been retrained not to panic.
Finally, I realised that one of the biggest causes of my anxiety was that I was flogging myself along in a career that I detested. I have now shut down my building business and am studying for a new career in holistic counselling and life coaching which is more suited to my personality.
It is now 5 years since I have used Prozac. I keep myself symptom free by regular meditation, keeping physically fit, having a high self-esteem, a healthy diet, resting when I need to rest, surrounding myself with calm people and not partaking in work that causes me anxiety.
My learning experience was tough, but I have turned into a much more compassionate and empathetic human being than I could have ever been without that experience.
If you are currently struggling with anxiety or agoraphobia, I want to reassure you that you can become well again. Don't procrastinate about taking the first steps to get well and to learn the necessary skills to stay well permanently. I promise you that it is worth the effort and that you can love your life again.

Colouring the Dark

by: Author Unknown,

Successful international artist Greg Wilson once saw life as a series of browns and black.
Suffering the agonies of depression from adolescence, he sought escape from its demons by speeding on powerful motorcycles and with other high-risk activities.He failed to find understanding from the traditional medical fraternity and had several close shaves with death, one from his own hand.
He finally found empathy with the help of a naturopath, Josie Alder, who put him on the road to managing and respecting his illness.
She brought back the colour to Greg's life which he now channels through his art, produced and sold through the gallery he and Josie established near the rustic home that they and two friends share in the idyllic Hunter Valley.
One piece has even made its way to a New York Fire Department where it hangs as Greg's moving response to the September 11 tragedy.
And New Yorkers will see more of Greg's work when the Australian Consulate there hosts his exhibition in June.
Greg still lives with what he calls his "continual madness", supported by people who always told him "you can do it".

Social Anxiety Disorder

by: Author Unknown,

I am 21 years old and have lived with Social Anxiety Disorder since the age of 9 or 10. My first memories of my anxiety are when I began to be afraid of staying over at my best friend's house. Throughout most of my high school years, I missed out on many social occasions with my friends due to my anxiety. I was terrified of going out to dinner, going on school camps and missed both my semi-formal and my formal.
My transition into university was relatively smooth. Until May 28th. In a philosophy tutorial I got very dizzy and thought I was going to pass out. Afterwards, I went to the refectory for dinner, and I thought, "What if I pass out here? What if I throw up here?" And from that day, I started having those thoughts in increasing numbers of places and situations. Suddenly I was terrified of performing in public (I am a musician), answering or asking questions in tutorials and lectures, going to the movies with friends, talking to the guy I had a big crush on, getting lifts in my friends' cars, catching the bus with friends, etc, etc, etc. All my decisions were based on the "what if" games I played with myself. My life became increasingly limited. I could feel my world shrinking around me.
When I got to the point where I was uptight every moment of every day, even while in the "comfort" of my own home, I knew I could not continue life like this. I had thought about suicide but I knew that I wanted to live - I just didn't want to live like this. I was terrified of even eating by myself. I went to a psychologist a couple of times, but I did not feel comfortable with him. He referred me to a GP who is wonderful. She understood about social anxiety disorder and she lent me videos to watch. She prescribed an anti-depressant that is also beneficial for anxiety. I did not notice an enormous change on medication alone. I was still having all the same negative thoughts, but the thoughts would have to be stronger for me to have the same level of physical reaction as before.
Then I started seeing a therapist. The cognitive behaviour techniques are what made the difference. We wrote my thoughts down on paper, which enabled me to look at them objectively, and REALISTICALLY. We searched for alternative thoughts that may be just as realistic, or even more realistic (after some time with the therapist I realized these alternative thoughts were much more realistic than my old patterns of thinking).
This was the beginning of the turning point in my life. My life changed when I could answer my "what if" questions with a logical and realistic answer. With these new thoughts, my anticipatory anxiety diminished substantially. I went to some of my friends' 21st birthday parties - dinners included. I gave a 20 minute presentation on my thesis at university to a small number of people with great success. I performed in concerts that greatly reduced anxiety levels and remembered what it feels like to actually enjoy the performing experience. I can catch buses and get lifts with friends.
I still cannot believe how much my life has changed in one year. All the things I achieved this year, I never thought I would. Now I have a new part time job - the first time I have been employed by someone other than myself. I am looking forward to next year - my first year out of uni. I see it as an adventure rather than a big scary thing that I won't be able to cope with. I thank my therapist for guiding me in the right direction and teaching me skills that I can take with me through the rest of my life.

Agoraphobia

by: Author Unknown,

I have been struggling with agoraphobia for many years – I have seen many therapists, from psychiatrists, where more or less I wasted a lot of money and time, to psychologists, which proved to be the better option for me. Over the last 20 years I have experienced many ups and downs with my agoraphobia. I have had times when I have been able to manage my agoraphobia with just sheer determination by exposing myself to my worst fears. As Christmas is approaching I find myself in quite a dilemma. Even though I have a big family and a great network of friends, I still feel very much alone. I know that other agoraphobics will understand what I mean by that. I am just wishing that Christmas and New Year will come and go quickly as so much is expected of me during this period and I need to put on that false ‘happy face’ for the family. I might sound like I am feeling sorry for myself, but I believe I am allowed to once in a while. I have it tough enough every day, struggling to get through the day wondering about all the “what ifs”. The lives of many people with panic disorder and agoraphobia are affected to the point where some people are completely housebound. A few years ago I decided to stop driving as I felt that due to my high anxiety to get from A to B made me so anxious that I could cause an accident, so I gave up driving. I gave up a good job, I gave up visiting family and friends, I gave up on a relationship, I gave up on a major part of my life which absolutely angers me. Some experts who are be reading this might say “you gave into it”. Maybe I did, maybe I was sick of fighting with my anxiety every single day. Maybe I believe that the best years of my life are over so why bother trying. I know this doesn’t sound very positive at all and it isn’t – but this is my life at the moment. The only positive that I can think of is that I work part time from home which at least keeps me sane and having something to do and feeling like I am contributing something to this world. So to anyone out there who might be reading this negative article,
if you are experiencing signs of avoiding leaving your house, seek help NOW.

Just for Today

by: Author Unknown,

Just for Today I want to be at Peace. I want to feel that long needed, soothing inner peace inside my soul, inside my bones.
Just for Today I want to be at Peace. Even if it means giving up a few things:
Even if it means giving up those little private conversations I have with myself about other people's driving behavior. Even if it means letting go of a ripe opportunity to judge their selfish driving habits, and even if it means passing up the opportunity to remind myself of how just my values are compared to theirs.
Just For Today I want to be at Peace. I guess, even if it means letting go of other opportunities throughout this day to privately judge others for their selfishness, their stupidity, their thoughtlessness. I guess, even if it means passing up a few opportunities to privately speculate and judge the state of the world, and how much better off it would be if people would just do what I know is best for everyone.
I think that I really want to be at Peace today. Even if it means that I must let go of being right, even when I am right. Even if it means that I have to let go of following out my private conversations in my head about how right I am, how logical, how rational. Even if it means that I must let go of my inner debates on my self-esteem, my correctness, my self-consciousness, what others think of me, how I might be appearing to others. Even if it means that I won't have the luxury of dwelling in my self-consciousness, self-pity, or anger.
I really like the way Peace feels. And just for today, I want to feel some peace.
Tomorrow is another day, with plenty of opportunity to renew my judgment of other's selfishness and thoughtlessness, my criticisms of the world's ways, my rightness about the inequality in the world, my obsessive private conversations about my ego and what others think of me.
Just because I miss a few opportunities for that today, there will still be plenty of opportunity for that tomorrow. I can afford to be at Peace today, because I can always pick up those other habits tomorrow. There will always be other chances to worry, to judge, be angry, self righteous, intolerant.
I don't need to be afraid of giving up my judgment, criticisms, and anxieties Just For One Little Day now do I?
Just For Today, I want to be at Peace. Even if it means that I'll need to give up some opportunities to show people how much I know about everything, and even if I have to give up a day spent watching for chances to impress others, and make sure they know how much I know.
I may have to let go of an opportunity to correct someone's misinformation, to give them the right facts, or set the record straight.
I heard someone once say, "For peace of mind resign as general manager of the Universe."
I may have to let go of some worry, or self concern about wearing the right clothes, having the right smile, making sure that I don't do anything politically incorrect, knowing everything, and having studied everything with more integrity than anyone else possibly could have, else they would have arrived at the same conclusions that I did. I'll have to give up opportunities to be important, or make sure others know how important I am.
I'll have to tell my ego to take a hike when it demands that I bow down and spend every waking hour of my day re-framing everything into how perfect I am, how wonderful I am, how anything I am.
I'll have to let go of anything that doesn't feel peaceful.

Just For Today.

My Garden

by: Author Unknown,

Deep inside of me there is a garden, full of many seeds. Three very special seeds have names. Those are Confidence, Calmness and Contentment. I was born with these seeds, but when I was young the garden was not tended to, and the seeds of ugly weeds began to take over Confidence, Calmness, and Contentment. As I grew older, I thought that the weeds had taken over the garden for good, and that Confidence, Calmness, and Contentment were killed. Gone forever. What I didn’t know was that the little seeds, no matter how many times they were stepped on or neglected, were the strongest seeds in the garden. They were alive, only lying dormant, for many years. For when I began tending the garden myself by nurturing the seeds with love and respect that they deserved – small, yet strong, lovely sprouts began to grow. Someday soon they will chase away the weeds and become the most beautiful flowers in my garden. Eventually, they will drop other seeds into the fertile soil and they too will grow strong with lovely flowers, with names like Hope, Pride, Peace, and Dignity. Nobody will be able to walk on my garden again --- I won’t let them! For I know that every human being has the right to grow a beautiful garden inside of them.

Think

by: Author Unknown,

If you think you are beaten, you are;
If you think you dare not, you don't;
If you'd like to win but you think you can't,
You can almost be certain you won't.
If you think that you'll lose, you are lost,
For out in the world you will find
Success begins with a person's will;
It's all in the state of the mind.
If you think you're outclassed you are;
You've got to think high to rise.
You've just got to be sure of yourself
Before you can win the prize.
Life's battles don't always go
To a stronger or faster man;
But sooner or later the person who wins
Is the person that THINKS they can.

Our Guardians

by: Author Unknown,

When angels sense you need them,

And angels always do.
They come, unseen, from everywhere,

To help and comfort you.
They hover close beside you,

Till all your cares are gone.
Till they can see you're ready,

Once again to carry on.
Then some of them fly away,

And take their gentle touch.
To other hearts that need the love,

Of angels very much.
But one, at least, stays with you,

As your constant friend and guide.
For guardian angels never leave,

They're always at your side.

I Will Be A Wonderful Mother

by: Author Unknown,

There are women who become mothers without effort,

without thought,without patience or loss,

and though they are good mothers and love their children,

I know that I will be better.I will be better not because of genetics or money or because I have read more books,but because I have struggled and toiled for this child.I have longed and waited.I have cried and prayed.I have endured and planned over and over again.Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.I will notice everything about my child.I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore, and discover.I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life.I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold, and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream.My dream will be crying for me.I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child.Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love.I will be a better mother for all that I have endured.I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend, and sister because I have known pain.I know disillusionment, as I have been betrayed by my own body. I have been tried by fire and hell that many never face, yet given time, I stood tall.I have prevailed.I have succeeded.I have won.So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort.I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs.I listen.And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely.I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth when life is beyond hard.I have learned a compassion that only comes by walking in those shoes.I have learned to appreciate life.Yes, I will be a wonderful mother.

WHO IS IN YOUR FRONT ROW?

by: Author Unknown,

Life is a Theatre...Invite Your Audience Carefully. Not everyone is healthy enough to have a front row seat in your life.There are some people in your life who need to be loved from a DISTANCE. It is amazing what you can accomplish when you let go of - or minimize

your time with - those draining, negative, incompatible, 'not-going-anywhere' relationships or friendships. Observe the relationships around you.

Pay close attention...

Which ones lift, and which ones lean?

Which ones encourage, and which ones discourage?

Which ones are on a path of growth uphill, and which ones are going downhill?

When you leave certain people, do you feel better or feel worse?

Which ones always have drama, or don't really understand, know orappreciate you & the gifts that lie within you?

Remember that the people you have around you will have an impact on your

life, your values and your income. So, be careful when choosing the

people you hang out with, as well as the information with which you will

feed your mind. We should not share our dreams with negative people, nor

feed our minds with negative thoughts.The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind, love and truth

around you... the easier it will become for you to decide who gets to sit

in the FRONT ROW, and who should be moved to the balcony of your life.

Ask your God for wisdom and discernment, and choose wisely the people who

will sit in the front row of your life.You cannot change the people around you....but you CAN change the people

you choose to be around!...WHO IS IN YOUR FRONT ROW?

Thoughts About the Governmental Process

by: Author Unknown,

"The tribal wisdom of the Dakota Indians, passed on from generation to generation, says that, "When you discover that you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount."However, in government (and corporate America) more advanced strategies are often employed such as:

1) Buying a stronger whip

2) Changing riders

3) Appointing a committee to study the horse

4) Arranging to visit other countries to see how other cultures ride horses

5) Lowering the standards so that dead horses can be included

6) Reclassifying the dead horse as living-impaired

7) Hiring outside contractors to ride the dead horse

8) Harnessing several dead horses together to increase speed

9) Providing additional funding and/or training to increase dead horse's performance

10) Doing a productivity study to see if lighter riders would improve the dead horse's performance

11) Declaring that, as the dead horse does not have to be fed, it's less costly, carries less overhead, and therefore contributes substantially more to the bottom line of the economy than live horses

12) Rewriting the expected performance requirements for all horsesand my personal favorite

13) Promoting the dead horse to a supervisory position."

Recipe for happiness

by: Author Unknown,

‘As most of you know I am not a President Bush fan, nor have I ever been, but this is not about Bush, it is about us, as Americans, and it seems to hit the mark. The other day I was reading Newsweek magazine and came across some Poll data I found rather hard to believe. It must be true given the source, right?The Newsweek poll alleges that 67 percent of Americans are unhappy with the direction the country is headed and 69 percent of the country is unhappy with the performance of the President. In essence 2/3 of the citizenry just ain’t happy and want a change. So being the knuckle dragger I am, I started thinking, ‘What are we so unhappy about?”
A.. Is it that we have electricity and running water 24 hours a day, 7 days a week?

B.. Is our unhappiness the result of having air conditioning in the summer and heating in the winter?

C.. Could it be that 95.4 percent of these unhappy folks have a job?

D.. Maybe it is the ability to walk into a grocery store at any time and see more food in moments than Darfur has seen in the last year?

E.. Maybe it is the ability to drive our cars and trucks from the Pacific Ocean to the Atlantic Ocean without having to present identification papers as we move through each state?

F.. Or possibly the hundreds of clean and safe motels we would find along the way that can provide temporary shelter?

G.. I guess having thousands of restaurants with varying cuisine from around the world is just not good enough either.
H. Or could it be that when we wreck our car, emergency workers show up and provide services to help all and even send a helicopter to take you to the hospital.

I.. Perhaps you are one of the 70 percent of Americans who own a home.
J.. You may be upset with knowing that in the unfortunate case of a fire, a group of trained firefighters will appear in moments and use top notch equipment to extinguish the flames, thus saving you, your family, and your belongings.

K.. Or if, while at home watching one of your many flat screen TVs, a burglar or prowler intrudes, an officer equipped with a gun and a bullet-proof vest will come to defend you and your family against attack or loss.

L.. This all in the backdrop of a neighborhood free of bombs or militias raping and pillaging the residents. Neighborhoods where 90% of teenagers own cell phones and computers.
M.. How about the complete religious, social and political freedoms we enjoy that are the envy of everyone in the world?
Maybe that is what has 67% of you folks unhappy.

Fact is, we are the largest group of ungrateful, spoiled brats the world has ever seen. No wonder the world loves the U.S. , yet has a great disdain for its citizens. They see us for what we are. The most blessed people in the world who do nothing but complain about what we don’t have, and what we hate about the country instead of thanking the good Lord we live here.

I know, I know. What about the president who took us into war and has no plan to get us out? The president who has a measly 31 percent approval rating? Is this the same president who guided the nation in the dark days after 9/11? The president that cut taxes to bring an economy out of recession? Could this be the same guy who has been called every name in the book for succeeding in keeping all the spoiled ungrateful brats safe from terrorist attacks? The commander in chief of an all-volunteer army that is out there defending you and me?Did you hear how bad the President is on the news or talk show? Did this news affect you so much, make you so unhappy you couldn’t take a look around for yourself and see all the good things and be glad?
Think about it……are you upset at the President because he actually caused you personal pain OR is it because the ‘Media’ told you he was failing to kiss your sorry ungrateful behind every day. Make no mistake about it. The troops in Iraq and Afghanistan have volunteered to serve, and in many cases may have died for your freedom. There is currently no draft in this country. They didn’t have to go. They are able to refuse to go and end up with either a ”general” discharge, an other than honorable” discharge or, worst case scenario, a ”dishonorable discharge after a few days in the brig.So why then the flat-out discontentment in the minds of 69 percent of Americans? Say what you want but I blame it on the media. If it bleeds it leads and they specialize in bad news. Everybody will watch a car crash with blood and guts How many will watch kids selling lemonade at the corner? The media knows t his and media outlets are for-profit corporations. They offer what sells, and when criticized, try to defend their actions by ‘justifying’ them in one way or another.
Just ask why they tried to allow a murderer like O.J. Simpson to write a book about how he didn’t kill his wife, but if he did he would have done it this way……Insane!>>>Turn off the TV, burn Newsweek, and use the New York Times for the bottom of your bird cage. Then start being grateful for all we have as country. There is exponentially more good than bad. We are among the most blessed people on Earth and should thank God several times a day, or at least be thankful and appreciative.’ ‘With hurricanes, tornado's, fires out of control, mud slides, flooding, severe thunderstorms tearing up the country from one end to another, and with the threat of bird flu and terrorist attacks, Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?’

CHRISTMAS Nursing STORY

by: Author Unknown,

'Twas the Night before Christmas and all through the floor

Lasix was given filling the foleys galore. Stockings were worn to prevent emboli,

they came in two sizes, knee and thigh high.The patients were nestled half-assed in their beds,while visions of stool softeners danced in their heads.

We, in our scrubs, and they, in their gowns,

fashions created to hide extra pounds.When down in the ER, it became such a zoo,

they called with admissions for me and for you.

They're coming, they're going, and they're all looking the same.

My patience for patients is starting to wane.

Now call lights are ringing, the patient 400 pounds,says - "Didn't get my pericare, now send my nurse down."And now delegation seems the best plan,

we try to send others to the needs of this man.When what to my wondering eyes should appear,but Santa, himself and 8 tiny reindeer.He says he comes from Central Supply

to bring us LR, NS and D5.The doctors then scribbled what no one could read,

orders on patients to measure their pee.We try to decipher illegible words,

orders for patients to quaiac their turds.The new shift arriving, our day is now through,

How did stool and emesis get in my shoe?

We give them report and pass on the facts,

and tell them of duoderm lining the cracks.

And the nurses exclaim as they limp out of sight,"Ativan to them all, and to all, a good night!!"

Flawed Predictions

by: Author Unknown,

Failed Technology Predictions

Throughout history man has been making predictions of the future. With the

advent of technology, the predictions moved away from religious topics to

scientific and technological. Unfortunately for the speakers, many of these

failed predictions have been recorded for all future generations to laugh at

Here is a selection of the best.

"When the Paris Exhibition [of 1878] closes, electric light will close with

it and no more will be heard of it." - Oxford professor Erasmus Wilson

"Rail travel at high speed is not possible because passengers, unable to

breathe, would die of asphyxia." - Dr Dionysys Larder (1793-1859), professor

of Natural Philosophy and Astronomy, University College London.

"[Television] won't be able to hold on to any market it captures after the

first six months. People will soon get tired of staring at a plywood box

every night." - Darryl Zanuck, movie producer, 20th Century Fox, 1946.

"Home Taping Is Killing Music" - A 1980s campaign by the BPI, claiming that

people recording music off the radio onto cassette would destroy the music

industry.

"Fooling around with alternating current is just a waste of time. Nobody

will use it, ever." - Thomas Edison, American inventor, 1889 (Edison often

ridiculed the arguments of competitor George Westinghouse for AC power).

"How, sir, would you make a ship sail against the wind and currents by

lighting a bonfire under her deck? I pray you, excuse me, I have not the

time to listen to such nonsense." - Napoleon Bonaparte, when told of Robert

Fulton's steamboat, 1800s.

"The idea that cavalry will be replaced by these iron coaches is absurd. It

is little short of treasonous." - Comment of Aide-de-camp to Field Marshal

Haig, at tank demonstration, 1916.

"X-rays will prove to be a hoax." - Lord Kelvin, President of the Royal

Society, 1883.

"This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a

means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us." - Amemo at Western Union, 1878 (or 1876).

"The Americans have need of the telephone, but we do not. We have plenty of

messenger boys." - Sir William Preece, Chief Engineer, British Post Office,1878.

"The horse is here to stay but the automobile is only a novelty - a fad." -The president of the Michigan Savings Bank advising Henry Ford's lawyer,Horace Rackham, not to invest in the Ford Motor Co., 1903

"There is not the slightest indication that nuclear energy will ever be

obtainable. It would mean that the atom would have to be shattered at will."- Albert Einstein, 1932

"There will never be a bigger plane built." - A Boeing engineer, after the

first flight of the 247, a twin engine plane that holds ten people

"A rocket will never be able to leave the Earth's atmosphere." - New York

Times, 1936.

"We will never make a 32 bit operating system." - Bill Gates

"There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home." - Ken Olson

president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp. (DEC), maker of

big business mainframe computers, arguing against the PC in 1977.

THE TIDE

by: Author Unknown,

The tide recedes, but leaves behind bright seashells on the sand.

The sun goes down, but gentle warmth still lingers on the land.

The music stops, yet echoes onin sweet, soulful refrains.

For every joy that passes, something beautiful remains."

THE SECRET COVENENT

by: Author Unknown,
An illusion it will be, so large, so vast it will escape their perception.
Those who will see it will be thought of as insane.
We will create separate fronts to prevent them from seeing the connection between us.
We will behave as if we are not connected to keep the illusion alive.
Our goal will be accomplished one drop at a time so as to never bring suspicion upon ourselves.
This will also prevent them from seeing the changes as they occur.
We will work together always and will remain bound by blood and secrecy.
Death will come to he who speaks.
We will keep their lifespan short and their minds weak while pretending to do the opposite.
We will use our knowledge of science and technology in subtle ways so they will never see what is happening.
We will use soft metals, aging accelerators and sedatives in food and water, also in the air.
They will be blanketed by poisons everywhere they turn.
The poisons will be hidden in everything that surrounds them, in what they drink, eat, breathe and wear.
We will create medicine that will make them sicker and cause other diseases for which we will create yet more medicine.
We will render them docile and weak before us by our power.
Their minds will belong to us and they will do as we say. If they refuse we shall find ways to implement mind-altering technology into their lives.
We will use fear as our weapon.
We will establish their governments and establish opposites within.
We will own both sides.
They will perform the labor for us and we shall prosper from their toil.
Our families will never mix with theirs.
Our blood must be pure always, for it is the way.
We will make them kill each other when it suits us.
We will keep them separated from the oneness by dogma and religion.
We will control all aspects of their lives and tell them what to think and how.
We will guide them kindly and gently letting them think they are guiding themselves.
We will foment animosity between them through our factions.
When a light shall shine among them, we shall extinguish it by ridicule, or death, whichever suits us best.
We will make them rip each other's hearts apart and kill their own children.
They will bathe in their own blood and kill their neighbors for as long as we see fit.
We will benefit greatly from this, for they will not see us, for they cannot see us.
We will continue to prosper from their wars and their deaths.
We will make them live in fear and anger.
We will use all their tools we have to accomplish this.
The tools will be provided by their labor.
We will make them hate themselves and their neighbors.
We will always hide the divine truth from them, that we are all one.
This they must never know!
Drop by drop, drop by drop we will advance our goal.
We will take over their land, resources and wealth to exercise total control over them.
We will deceive them into accepting laws that will steal the little freedom they will have.
We will establish a money system that will imprison them forever, keeping them and their children in debt.
When they shall ban together, we shall accuse them of crimes and present a different story to the world for we shall own all the media.
When they shall rise up against us we will crush them like insects, for they are less than that.
They will be helpless to do anything for they will have no weapons.
We will recruit some of their own to carry out our plans, we will promise them eternal life, but eternal life they will never have for they are not of us.
The truth will be hidden in their face, so close they will not be able to focus on it until its too late.
Oh yes, so grand the illusion of freedom will be, that they will never know they are our slaves.
When all is in place, the reality we will have created for them will own them.
Their minds will be bound by their beliefs, the beliefs we have established from time immemorial.
But if they ever find out they are our equal, we shall perish then. THIS THEY MUST NEVER KNOW.
If they ever find out that together they can vanquish us, they will take action.
They must never, ever find out what we have done, for if they do, we shall have no place to run. No one shall give us shelter.
This is the secret covenant by which we shall live the rest of our present and future lives, for this reality will transcend many generations and life spans.
This covenant is sealed by blood, our blood!

Dattatreya Stotram

by: Author Unknown,

Hindus worship Dattatreya a god in the form of a combination of the great trinity consisting of Brahma, Vishnu and Shiva. He took this form due to Anasuya, the wife of sage Athri. One story tells that Narada poisoned the minds of Saraswati, Lakshmi and Parvathy and told them that Anasuya is much greater than them. Incensed by this they sent their lords to Anasuya, who went and requested her to give them alms without wearing any cloths, She made them into babies and combined them into one. This God was Dattatreya. Another story tells of the trinity being forced to approach Anasuya to save the world from the curse of Nalayani. She did this but asked them to become her babies. These babies were Dattatreya (Vishnu), Durvasa (Shiva) and Chandra (Brahma). Once in a hurry when all these babies were crying together, she took them together and they became one. There is a small sect of Hindus called data-panthis in Karnalaka and Maharashtra who worship only Lord Dattatreya. He is picturised as doing meditation along with four Vedas in the form dogs following him.
jatadharam pandurangamsoolahastham krupanidhimsarvaroga haram devamdattatreyamaham bhaje
My salutations to Dattatreya ,Who is with matted hair ,Who is Lord Vishnu,Who holds soola in his hand,Who is store house of mercy,And who is the panacea for all illness.
jagat utapathi karthre chasthithi samhara hethavebhava pasa vimukthayadattatreya namosthuthe
My salutations to Dattatreya,Who created all the worlds,Who looks after the worlds,Who destroys the worlds,And who grants redemption,From the bonds of sorrow of domestic life.
jara janma vinasayadeha shuddhi karaya chadigambara daya moorthedattatreya namosthuthe
My salutations to Dattatreya,Who destroys sorrow of birth and old age,Who cleans our body and soul,Who wears the directions as cloths ,And who is the lord of mercy.
karpoora kanthi dehayabrhma moorthy daraya chaveda sasthra parignayadattatreya namosthuthe
My salutations to Dattatreya,Who has a colour of burning camphor,Who takes up the role of the creator,And who is master of the holy Vedas.
hruswa deergha krutha sthulanama gothra vivarjithapancha boothaika deepthayadattatreya namosthuthe
My salutations to Dattatreya,Who is much beyond, thin , thick, short and tall,Who cannot be limited by name or caste,And who shines in the five spirits of the world.
yagna bhokthre cha yagnayayagna roopa daraya chayagna priyaya sidhayadattatreya namosthuthe
My salutations to Dattatreya,Who is the result of fire sacrifices.Who is fire sacrifice himself.Who takes the form of the fire sacrifice,And who is the saint who likes fire sacrifices.adhou brhama madhye vishnuranthe deva sada shivamoorthy thraya swaroopayadattatreya namosthuthe
My salutations to Dattatreya,Who in the beginning is the creator,Who in the middle is Vishnu who takes care,Who in the end is Shiva the destroyer,And who is the lord who represents the trinity.
bhogaalayaya bhogaayayoga yoyaya dharinejithendriya jithagnayadattatreya namosthuthe
My salutations to Dattatreya,Who is the place where pleasure resides,Who is the pleasures himself,Who is the great wearer of Yoga,Who has perfect control of his senses,And who is greater than any scholar.
brhma jnana mayee mudhravasthre cha akasa bhoothaleprgnana gana bhodayadattatreya namosthuthe
My salutations to Dattatreya,Whose stamp is the knowledge of ultimate,Who wears the sky and earth as his cloths,And who is the three states of wakefulness,Sleep and dream.
sathya roopa sadacharasathya dharma parayanasathyasraya parokshayadattatreya namosthuthe
My salutations to Dattatreya,Who is truth personified,Whose conduct is perfect,Who follows truth as his dharma ,Who depends wholly on truth,And who is not in visible form.
soola hastha gada panevana mala sukundarayagna soothra dara brahmandattatreya namosthuthe
My salutations to Dattatreya,Who has in his hands he spear and the mace,Who wears garland of scented flowers of the wild,And who is the prime executor of fire sacrifices.
datha vidhyadya lakshmeesadatha swathma swaroopineguna nirguna roopayadattatreya namosthuthe
My salutations to Dattatreya,Who is the great knowledge,Who is the lord of Lakshmi,Who has the form of the soul of Datta,And who has the form with and without properties.
Phalasruthi
sathru nasa karam sthothramjnana vijnana dhayakamsarva papam samam yathidattatreya namosthuthe
My salutations to Dattatreya,Which would destroy my enemies,Which would give me knowledge of religion and science,And which would destroy all my sins.