by: Author Unknown,
A few months ago I turned thirty. A few years ago my life was such hell I didn't think I was going to make it.
My panic disorder became a problem when I was about eighteen. I have grown up in a loving, supportive and stable environment. I have never been neglected or abused and there is no apparent history of the problem in my family. For years I just accepted that my panic disorder was the way I am and in fact it was probably a decade before I diagnosed myself and then realised that there must be others out there with the same problem.
I initially thought I had a medical condition. About eighteen months prior to my first panic attack I had contracted viral meningitis - that is a disease where the lining of the brain and spinal cord becomes infected. I could not keep food down and spent months in bed recovering. I lost about 25 kilograms and took at least 12 months to get over that.
When I started having panic attacks, I just assumed there was a connection between the two. I went to heaps of doctors and specialists and had dozens of tests. I had explained the symptoms of my panic disorder, the massive heart palpitations, flushing, sweating, being consumed with fear and depersonalisation. Yet they all told me I was perfectly healthy.
I started to think I must be going mad, so I consulted a psychologist. What a disaster! He told me I was shy, which I already knew. I was chronically shy. He told me I didn't handle stress well and that I should go out and find myself a girlfriend. He made me a relaxation tape which he charged me a small fortune for, however, it had all this traffic noise in the background, so when I listened to it I felt like I was standing on a freeway. Not very relaxing. He told me to avoid situations which made me feel anxious, so I basically avoided all social situations from then on until I developed full on Social Phobia. I had a panic attack in front of that psychologist and he still couldn't diagnose my panic disorder.
Still desperate for help and not yet diagnosed with any problem, I went to see a psychiatrist. He was incompetent. I'd make an appointment to see him and he'd keep me waiting anything up to 4 hours before I got to see him. I would turn up for appointments to find out that he had cancelled all his appointments because he had decided to go home early. After several visits he informed me that he had misplaced my file and that we would have to start over again from the beginning. After about six months of consulting with this incompetent fool, I realised I was getting worse. I told the psychiatrist this and he told me he didn't know what was wrong with me and he didn't know how he could help me. I told him to shove it and I never went back. My G.P. at the time told me a similar thing. He told me he didn't know how to help me, so he wrote the name of another G.P. on a piece of paper and told me this guy would prescribe me anything I wanted, no questions asked if drugs was what I was after. Which I wasn't.
By now I was feeling totally alone and disillusioned with doctors and life in general for that matter. I was having panic attacks everyday, sometimes several, and the chronic anxiety never let up for one second. My job suffered badly and I no longer left the house except to go to work. I never had a 21st birthday party. I simply couldn't handle it.
The next few years I started to improve. My shyness dissipated and my confidence and self-esteem grew. My panic and anxiety started to settle down. By my mid 20's I was virtually panic and anxiety free.
Just after my 27th birthday, my life all came crashing down. My life quickly slipped to an all time low. The panic and anxiety came back worse than ever. I started to abuse Valium and alcohol just to summon the courage to go to work. Work again became the only reason I left the house. I wasn't suicidal, but I had lost my will to live. I went to see another psychiatrist. Another waste of time.
It was nice to meet other people who knew what I was going through. I realised with alot of hard work, recovery was possible. The group has not only been a wonderful emotional support, but I have also learned so much knowledge about myself and my disorder.
I have learned to use meditation and breathing techniques in controlling my anxiety and I have learned to dispute the constant barrage of negative self-talk that feeds my anxiety. The resources 'the group' makes available to members with its excellent facilitators, its extensive library and its regular guest speakers form and invaluable help for myself and other panic and anxiety disorder sufferers.
I now consider myself about two thirds along the road to recovery with some large hurdles still in front of me. Everyday is a challenge now because I am in unfamiliar territory, but eventually I will get to where I want to be and a large part of the thanks will go to the Kew Anxiety & Panic Disorders Support Group.
My panic disorder became a problem when I was about eighteen. I have grown up in a loving, supportive and stable environment. I have never been neglected or abused and there is no apparent history of the problem in my family. For years I just accepted that my panic disorder was the way I am and in fact it was probably a decade before I diagnosed myself and then realised that there must be others out there with the same problem.
I initially thought I had a medical condition. About eighteen months prior to my first panic attack I had contracted viral meningitis - that is a disease where the lining of the brain and spinal cord becomes infected. I could not keep food down and spent months in bed recovering. I lost about 25 kilograms and took at least 12 months to get over that.
When I started having panic attacks, I just assumed there was a connection between the two. I went to heaps of doctors and specialists and had dozens of tests. I had explained the symptoms of my panic disorder, the massive heart palpitations, flushing, sweating, being consumed with fear and depersonalisation. Yet they all told me I was perfectly healthy.
I started to think I must be going mad, so I consulted a psychologist. What a disaster! He told me I was shy, which I already knew. I was chronically shy. He told me I didn't handle stress well and that I should go out and find myself a girlfriend. He made me a relaxation tape which he charged me a small fortune for, however, it had all this traffic noise in the background, so when I listened to it I felt like I was standing on a freeway. Not very relaxing. He told me to avoid situations which made me feel anxious, so I basically avoided all social situations from then on until I developed full on Social Phobia. I had a panic attack in front of that psychologist and he still couldn't diagnose my panic disorder.
Still desperate for help and not yet diagnosed with any problem, I went to see a psychiatrist. He was incompetent. I'd make an appointment to see him and he'd keep me waiting anything up to 4 hours before I got to see him. I would turn up for appointments to find out that he had cancelled all his appointments because he had decided to go home early. After several visits he informed me that he had misplaced my file and that we would have to start over again from the beginning. After about six months of consulting with this incompetent fool, I realised I was getting worse. I told the psychiatrist this and he told me he didn't know what was wrong with me and he didn't know how he could help me. I told him to shove it and I never went back. My G.P. at the time told me a similar thing. He told me he didn't know how to help me, so he wrote the name of another G.P. on a piece of paper and told me this guy would prescribe me anything I wanted, no questions asked if drugs was what I was after. Which I wasn't.
By now I was feeling totally alone and disillusioned with doctors and life in general for that matter. I was having panic attacks everyday, sometimes several, and the chronic anxiety never let up for one second. My job suffered badly and I no longer left the house except to go to work. I never had a 21st birthday party. I simply couldn't handle it.
The next few years I started to improve. My shyness dissipated and my confidence and self-esteem grew. My panic and anxiety started to settle down. By my mid 20's I was virtually panic and anxiety free.
Just after my 27th birthday, my life all came crashing down. My life quickly slipped to an all time low. The panic and anxiety came back worse than ever. I started to abuse Valium and alcohol just to summon the courage to go to work. Work again became the only reason I left the house. I wasn't suicidal, but I had lost my will to live. I went to see another psychiatrist. Another waste of time.
It was nice to meet other people who knew what I was going through. I realised with alot of hard work, recovery was possible. The group has not only been a wonderful emotional support, but I have also learned so much knowledge about myself and my disorder.
I have learned to use meditation and breathing techniques in controlling my anxiety and I have learned to dispute the constant barrage of negative self-talk that feeds my anxiety. The resources 'the group' makes available to members with its excellent facilitators, its extensive library and its regular guest speakers form and invaluable help for myself and other panic and anxiety disorder sufferers.
I now consider myself about two thirds along the road to recovery with some large hurdles still in front of me. Everyday is a challenge now because I am in unfamiliar territory, but eventually I will get to where I want to be and a large part of the thanks will go to the Kew Anxiety & Panic Disorders Support Group.
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