A brand new life!!!!

by: Author Unknown,

Allow me to start off my story in a positive way - I feel wonderful! It's now 10 months since I took my last pill! I'm so proud of myself, I feel 'clean' and have a great sense of well being. Life is great! My nails are growing, my eyes are clear, I'm told I look well, I can go to the supermarkets and stay there, drive my car, go to the theatre, crowded rooms do not worry me. I sleep well and with the lights out, I have no tension whatsoever, I'm calm, and my mind is not whirling, and there are so many things I learn from day to day that have improved my life that it is so hard to comprehend that these past few years were so frightening and at the time bizarre. I'm free! All without that damn pill. All in all, at 63 I'm looking forward to a brand new life that I did not have whilst I was taking Mogadon and Valium. Little did I know these 'demon-pills' would practically destroy me. My story goes back at least thirty years. I was prescribed a minor tranquilliser for 'nerves of the stomach, tension and lack of sleep'. I had Mogadon and Valium. These I took when I was apprehensive about social functions, dentists, plane flights - then I forgot about the things. There were months when I never touched a thing. Then four years ago I had a bereavement of loved ones very close to me, within three months of each other. As I recall, it was recommended that I take Mogadon to sleep, also Valium to help through the grief, thus dulling my emotions, therefore I did not grieve, still haven't really. I look back now and realise how light-hearted I was about the whole thing. Then one day I had what I now know was a panic attack. I had cardiographs, x-rays, other tests, and I was diagnosed as severe hypertension. I was put into hospital for 2 weeks and sedated on Serepax and whatever else was given to me. I was too sick and scared to query what I was being given. No visitors for that time either. On arrival home I was quite alone and lonely. I couldn't sleep and had the shakes so I was then prescribed Rohypnol. That was disastrous. I had hallucinations, fear and more trembling. I was in a shocking state. I didn't tell anyone I was on my own, wondering what was happening to me. Again I did not want to take the pills, and was told I was not giving these pills a fair chance to work, as I did not take the prescribed dose. I realise now I was causing withdrawal, by increasing and decreasing the dose. I seemed to go along for some time and have good days and weeks. I often wonder what I may have said or done during those days in withdrawal. I found myself becoming agoraphobic, frightened to bath or shower some days, frightened to answer the phone or door; cramps, bad headaches, fear again, trembling and panic attacks, a whole new package. I was a zombie, watching T.V. most of the day, just waiting for night to come to get rid of the day, yet frightened of the night. One day I went to the doctor and said "please help me, I am sick, I don't want to live and yet I have so much to live for". I was not suicidal, depressed or melancholy, but so positive I wanted to feel well and exist. My doctor suggested a hypnotherapist who was also a G.P. I was so optimistic that I'd get help. I went to see him about 6 visits and said to him one day "When are you going to help me off the medication I am taking". At that stage I was to taking ½ mg Valium and I Mogadon a day. I was told "O.K. stop now". So I went away happily knowing I was off all medication. This I later learned was cold turkey and could have proven dangerous. Life was not pleasant for some months, but was certainly no worse than when I was taking prescribed medication. I had some good days but the great thing was I had taken that step on the road to recovery and one day I would be FREE. During withdrawal from the pills, I've had wonderful understanding, loving care and help from particularly Gwenda Cannard and Liz Burtnik, who gave me a brand new life, and new friends at Tranx self-support groups. Sometimes I wake up so happy and have to think "Why?". Now I work at the Tranx telephone information and support service, helping people in withdrawal from tranquillisers and sleeping pills. People dependent on tranquillisers are all ages, both sexes and from all walks of life. At TRANX we feel and care about all people in this desperate situation.